Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
