she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
