I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
