Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
