I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
