The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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