Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
