in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
