i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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