Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize