Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
