Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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