Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
