Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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