Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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