At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
