so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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