I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
