mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
