So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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