i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
