i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
