please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
