the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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