she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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