too bad you live with your parents still
I just threw up on my dentist
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
