all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
