Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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