Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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