so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
