Already got asked if we're dating
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
