Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
