I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
