She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
