I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
