She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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