Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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