Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
