you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
