Your tits are I can't wait for
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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