I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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