we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
