Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
