i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize