so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
