I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
