If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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