finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
