70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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