he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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