Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
