Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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