So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
