I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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