Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
