Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
