:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
