she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
