you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
