I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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