The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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