just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
