seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
