ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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