So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You're like the curious george of whores
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
