I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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