Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize