Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
