.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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