i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
