I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
